Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
