my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
