Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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