You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
