he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
