I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
