My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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