We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
