he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
