I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I cut my penus on the lid.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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