as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
