She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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