i don't like sucking hair
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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