she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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