vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
