My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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