i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
