Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
