I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it's great music for shaving your balls
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
