I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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