Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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