either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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