Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
