I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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