Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
