im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
