Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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