I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize