Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
