Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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