i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
