Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
