"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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