We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
