watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
