i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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