I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
