I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
