He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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