Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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