i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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