Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
