she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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