Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
