gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
