that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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