I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
