Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
