I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize