I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
