You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
