I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
