You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
