Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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