Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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