I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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