she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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