She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
