morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
