you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You ruined the universe
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
