Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
