I accidentally had phone sex last night
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
