STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
