So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
