So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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