Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
That's intense
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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