I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
