PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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