So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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