Your face is a jimmy john
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
