Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
