How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
farters have to be the big spoon...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
